step 1: breathe in.
Posted: April 13, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a comment »step 2: breathe out.
step 3: say “it’ll all be okay in the end.”
step 4: believe it.
damnit.
Posted: March 7, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a comment »god. damnit.
i have to learn how to not let you affect me so much.
it should. not. matter.
and i know that.
so why does it still catch me off guard and make me get all backwards?
insanity.
Posted: January 31, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a comment »i am driving myself insane.
with what-ifs, paranoias, over-stressing, over-worrying, over-thinking.
stop that, let loose.
100 questions.
Posted: January 26, 2011 Filed under: art 250 | Tags: 100 questions, exercise Leave a comment »What will I grow up to be?
Will I be successful when I’m older?
Will I be happy when I’m older?
Am I making the right choices now?
Will there ever be peace on earth?
How old will I be when I get married?
Will I ever get back into shape like I used to be?
How can I start playing volleyball again?
Does true love really exist?
What am I doing wrong?
What am I doing right?
Do I really know and understand what I think I know and understand?
Have I learned the right lessons from my experiences?
Will I ever be like how I was in high school?
Will I ever be close with my high school friends again?
Will I really have the same friends from college after I graduate?
Will electronics and the Internet dominate the world as we know it now?
Will I ever have a good relationship with my dad?
How can I become a happier person?
How can I be more outgoing?
How can I focus on school and handle the social and personal aspect of my life better?
Where will I end up in 20 years?
Will I ever get to travel around the world like I want to?
Will I still be best friends with my best friends once we’re all grown up?
Why can’t I be more creative with my art?
Am I too pessimistic?
How can I be more optimistic?
How can I change my perspective on life, love and friends?
Will my family all grow old and live happy lives?
What hardships will I encounter over the course of the rest of my college career?
Will McDonalds ever go out of business?
Will Google take over the world?
How many kids will I have?
What is the real point of life?
What can I do to make other peoples’ lives better?
Why can’t I think of any more questions?
How can I stop napping as much as I do?
Should I have studied engineering instead of business?
Should I have played basketball instead of volleyball?
Where will I live when I’m older?
What will be my mid-life crisis?
Am I a good person?
Am I a mean person?
How can I increase my self-control?
How can I get better at running?
How can I become more of a morning person?
Why do I have such an addictive personality?
How can I make it so I don’t have such an addictive personality?
Will I own my own business when I grow up?
What kind of business will I own when I grow up?
Will I actually end up being an accountant?
Is it worth it to graduate one year early and finish my MAS?
How long will it take to pay off my student loans?
Am I too organized?
Do I need to let loose?
Do I need to be more relaxed and less structured?
How can I develop better habits to make my life easier?
How can I be okay with waking up early for 8AMs?
Will I ever pull an all-nighter?
Will I ever be good at painting with oils?
How can I make my friends and family happy? J
How can I do better in school?
How can I do better in life?
How can I do good in life?
How old will I be when I make my first $1,000,000?
Will the first car I buy on my own be a Lexus? J
How can I be less paranoid in my relationship?
How can I be more trusting of people?
How can I start believing that there are still good people out there?
Why don’t I trust people?
Will I own a dog or a cat when I get older?
Will I change my last name when I get married?
Will I ever forgive my dad for being such an ass?
How can I get myself to the gym everyday?
How can I develop more patience?
Why am I so impatient?
Why am I such a jealous person?
How can I help myself to try and attain all the goals that I’ve established for myself?
How much does a polar bear weigh?
Why do people develop better relationships with their parents once they’ve moved away?
When will people finally grow up and realize what life is really about?
Why do people try so hard to impress others?
How come people are so afraid of trying to do things alone?
Why do people feel like they always need to be around others?
How can I have more fun without sacrificing my grades?
How can I save my money without having to sacrifice a lot?
Will I be able to handle a job, an officer position, and school at the same time?
Why did my brother and I turn out so different?
Will I ever be close with my mom?
Will my brothers and sister ever get married?
Will I ever be an aunt?
Will my cousin be okay?
Do I worry too much?
Why do I hold grudges for so long?
Why do people annoy me so easily when they do things I don’t like?
Why do I feel the need to try and change/help people when I feel like they are really messing up things for themselves?
Will I ever be really good at cooking?
When will I be able to start playing the piano again?
What is the most expensive thing I’ll ever buy?
Why is this question indented more than the rest of them?
art 250.
Posted: January 26, 2011 Filed under: art 250 Leave a comment »i’ve started a class this semester; art 250, writing with video. in the class, i have to keep up with a blog that i have to updated basically everyday (a step up from my personal one, no?) so i’ve decided that any cool posts that i put on my art 250 blog, i will put on here as well.
if you’re curious; http://podcast.cites.illinois.edu/wwv/2011-spring/chang107/
and let the madness begin.
brandnew!
Posted: January 24, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a comment »time to turn over a new leaf.
except i think that expression sounds dumb so…
time to start over, brand new 
those people.
Posted: January 13, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: forget 1 Comment »guess there’s always gonna be those couple of people you can’t manage to forget.
aspirations.
Posted: January 10, 2011 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: aspirations, determination, new semester, resolutions Leave a comment »who says you need a new year to make changes? i agree, you can make changes whenever you want…… but it just has a much better effect if you do it when a new year begins
i find myself antsy to get back to it. break is great, don’t get me wrong, but i’ve developed this weird aversion to laziness.. i hate having no plans for the day, versus when i used to love to just lay in bed until 5pm (sadly, i’m not exaggerating..). i’m guessing this habit can only lead to good things. it’s so odd, i must admit, and those of you who have known me for a long time can probably agree hahaha.
as i get deeper into my college career, the classes are only getting harder. adding a job and an officer position to the mix, i’m almost positive i’ll have a full if not overflowing plate, but for some reason, i’m not worried.
i’m just excited to kick some ass.
we are our own worst enemies; imagine if we erased self-doubt, low self-esteem, and hesitation, there would be no limit to what we could all do. what’s stopping us?
home sweet home.
Posted: December 31, 2010 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: break, holidays, home, memories Leave a comment »wasn’t it good? wasn’t he fine? isn’t it madness he can’t be mine? but in the end, he needs a little bit more than me, more security; he needs his fantasy and freedom, i know him so well.
odd how everything rushes back once i get home. this place is full of memories, ain’t it?
on a much heavier note (haaha), aren’t the holidays supposed to be time for family? not JUST family, but the most important people and loved ones.
time to make some new years resolutions!
frustration.
Posted: November 20, 2010 Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a comment »to be honest, i pour my heart into everything that i do.
when i put all i have towards reaching a goal, creating something great, or building a relationship, i would hope to receive something in return. i’d hope to see the fruits of my effort; to know all my work wasn’t done in vain. to know that the words i said to someone actually held some weight and to know the hours of studying, preparing, and learning would bring me one step closer to my goals.
so what do you do when you’re giving it your all and it’s still not working? if it’s still not happening? if you STILL. haven’t. gotten there.
what are you supposed to do when every time you FINALLY succeed, something counteracts you? for every good you do, life throws something shitty at you? what do you do when people shit on your dreams, when rules and regulations limit your potential, when you feel like there really just….
isn’t anything you can do.
a normal person would stop trying.
maybe then something good will happen.
if it’s supposed to.
and i sincerely hope something does happen, because right now, i need motivation to keep going.
